Now
I have started this blog as a new daddy of a beautiful baby daughter born a month before my 40th birthday.
I would like to share what happened before she came into our lives what has happened in the first amazing 10 weeks and of course what happens in the future.
This includes the sheer joy, the confusion, and the blind panic as we have fumbled our way through this massively life changing event.
Some people would call me an older mature dad but my wife would argue that you have to be mature in the first place to darn that title.
I have been lucky that me and my amazing wife have been together for 15 years and have had a blast. Whether it be holidays , concerts, festivals , or just in the spur of the moment going and doing something fun.
About 2 years ago we made the massive decision to start a family. As you can gather by the way I say 2 years you may have worked out we had a few problems, despite using every ovulation kit, natural remedy band old wives tale on the market it wasn't happened so we made the decision to go to see a specialist, my wife had previous problems with endometriosis so we just wanted to make sure everything was OK.
On going to this appointment we had what I believe to be the turning point.
The consultant who was wearing jeans and a Metallica t shirt was great he did his checks, all was fine so he recommended we go to a fertility clinic but keep trying anyway . As we were waiting for this appointment we decided to not worry and just enjoy ourselves. So the get home now it's time texts stopped and we just got on with our lives without the stress of 'trying'.
Well about 3 weeks later I got a call from the top of the stairs "babe can you come and check something" so up I ran..
There was my wife in the bathroom looking at the windowsill and the stick sat on it.
"Can you see a second line on that she said.
I had a look and at first it was hard to see them my eyes focused and there it was 'positive'. Do another one babe I said and 4 tests later we were sat on the bed with a shocked look on our faces and massive smiles. We had just got back from watching Eddie the eagle at the cinema and we felt like we were soaring.
Now bear with me as it wasn't the easiest of pregnancies and had more than our fair share of scares and problems along the way.
Very early on at about 4 weeks I heard a scream from the bathroom and my wife was in tears holding a piece of toilet roll with a streak of blood on. I am an eternal optimist but even I had a moment where I thought we may have lost her.
We got a doctors appointment for the next day and they booked us for a 5 week scan and did a blood test for hcg levels which are a sign of pregnancy and they came back high which was great.
But the wait for the scan was hell for us both as baby was too small for a Doppler scan cat the docs so we still weren't sure if she was OK.
We had the first scan but all we could see was the sac with no heartbeat yet so we came back a week later. We were so nervous and when they found her I saw it instantly, a small flashing pixel on the screen. A heartbeat
It was the most amazing feeling, back came the smiles.
We almost flew home we were so happy.
I should have maybe worked out earlier as we were in the Cotswold's the weekend before and she almost broke down in tears because she didn't buy a teddy bear in one of the posh gift shoos. Luckily I went back and got it and it now has pride of place in the nursery.
Instantly I put my wife on a lillypad and wanted to do everything for her so she could concentrate on growing this little person, which I came to regret a bit as when life returned to normal it was a bit of a shock to the system when breakfast in bed didn't arrive.
We had some early morning sickness but soon worked out that orange juice first thing in the morning would stop it coming on.
This is a hard time as you are trying to be careful but can't tell anyone even though you are ready to explode with excitement. We told our mums and dads who were over the moon especially mine as i think she thought she would ever have grandchildren. I am an only child and hadn't rushed to be a family man.
I had a smile fixed to my face for weeks, well probably for the whole 8 months but i will explain that later.
Next the 12 week scan which was amazing as you could see her clearer now, I cried although i tried to hide it and gripped my wife's hand as we just smiled at each other going we did that.
We were so excited and i just looked at her i awe that she was carrying our baby. I was making all sorts of plans, what to buy, where to take her on days out, holidays etc.
Oh you may wonder why i always said her. Its just a feeling i had all the way that it was a girl i cant explain why but i say its just my fate to be surrounded by beautiful women which always makes my wife laugh.
So over the next few weeks it was a steady routine of trips to the doctors, blood tests, and trying to keep the biggest secret in the world. I almost let it out a few times but i don't think people noticed.
All we were thinking was we just need to get to the 20 week scan and after the early scare it was constant routine of checking toilet rolls for any sign of blood which is not helped by the fact that some leading brands have red specs in.
I talked to the bump from early on and every night i would tell her about my day and what our cat pippin had been doing and sung whatever silly song can into my head the time, and always said goodnight love you.
I even bought a book which was great as i thought i knew everything and every week we would see how big she was. She was a sunflower seed, raisin, grape. Unfortunately it was american so when it said she was as big as a squash or cantaloupe we didn't have a clue how big she was.
We didn't really get many cravings but orange juice and chocolate were always in supply.
So its time for the 20 week scan and there are so many questions going around our heads and we made the biggest mistake ever WE WENT ON GOOGLE, which was and absolute nightmare because everything is horror story.
We left the house both excited a shaking with fear that our baby actually wasn't there and had been a massive dream or had 8 legs. They checked for downs and other disorders which all came back OK but we had discussed this before hand and said even if she was it didn't matter.
But she was fine actually better than fine she was amazing, My wife was gutted that i had got the sex right, not because it was a girl but because i got it right. It was one of the greatest days of my life and after much smiling hugging and congratulating each other on making a perfect little baby we went to asda and bought most of the newborn clothing range and had a celebratory cup of tea and cake.
